The Outtakes

Thank you for all the lovely comments on my Sinful Sunday photo. You are all so kind and confidence-building.

Looking at the photo reminds me of all the awkward moments that led up to that one moment when I felt comfortable enough to want to share.

My husband and I are apart for several months, but I have a small child and a temporary housemate so genuine alone time is difficult to come by.

When I arrived at this house about six weeks ago, I unzipped a suitcase in the living room to grab something for my child and out fell three of my toys that I hadn’t realized my husband had moved from one suitcase to another when he was repacking my bags to redistribute the weight. Child and housemate were standing right there and I frantically threw a t-shirt over them.

My husband keeps sending me new vibrators to try out:

“Mommy! Mommy! You got a package from the mailman! Can I open it for you? Let’s see what it is!”

“Nooooo!!!”

I’m not very technically inclined. I use the radio in my car instead of the aux or the USB inputs because it’s easier. I use my phone for maybe one-fifth of the things it can actually do. It took me ages to figure out my first Lelo. It had four buttons! That was quite an upgrade from my previous one-button vibrators.

The one featured in Sunday’s photo can be controlled via my phone. But when I first got it, I turned it on with the buttons and I continued pressing buttons to see the different features. How it vibrates, how it rotates. But then I couldn’t figure out how to turn it off. I threw it into the closet, where it thumped around and eventually found its rhythm banging against the wall, as I ran downstairs to download the app on my phone, and then use the app to turn off the vibrator, praying the whole time no one would come home early or drop in unexpectedly.

No sooner had I conquered that particular vibrator, a new one arrived in the mail. I played with it for about a week, consulting the manual and being slightly disappointed because it seemed like it should to more, for all the buttons it has. Determined, I finally figured it out last night. I was proud of myself. A lot of things have not been going well lately but I achieved a wonderful orgasm.

Some days it feels like that’s my greatest achievement.

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